Excerpt from July 14, 2016
My name is Earl and I’m 36 years old. That would seem pretty old to the younger version of myself. I spent a lot of time with the woman I loved in my 20s, rather than doing the things I wanted to do with music. That turned out to be very important, and I’m grateful for every moment I had with her. I feel like there’s not enough time in life, in general. There are so many things I want to do, to better myself and to grow. I want to learn things, and it seems to overwhelm me. Like I never have the capacity. I begin to integrate things into my life, and then they leave me just as quickly. I can’t grasp onto it and keep it. Gone like the moments and the time which keeps passing. The world doesn’t pause when we want it to. We can only find peace of mind within ourselves. How do I become more aware, more present? So I don’t feel as though everything is dictated by others. Where do I find joy in my own experience, in participating, in creating? Why do I feel what I’m creating is so drab? What happened to the child in me?
“Hello there. Are you there? Will you come out and play? Now is no time to hide. I’m telling you, I want to be your friend. I too, am sensitive like you, but didn’t we do this all because it was fun? Sure, I love when others can see what I’m doing and like it. Well, I like your stuff too. Everything I’ve ever done and thought was amazing was inspired by you.
Did I ever tell you, you are the biggest inspiration and influence in my life? You’re the reason that I love music. Why I wanted to make music. You used to be so inspired, it constantly gave me chills. You were so passionate! It was some kind of primal drive towards possibility. You could hear music everywhere. It just flowed from you. You connected the dots everywhere. You are so good at abstract thought that it makes you such a creative thinker. Your thoughts are so novel. I admire you, my friend. You’re my best friend, and there’s no one else like you.
So, come out and play. I’m your big brother. I can protect you. I’ve become very good at that. But I promise not to stifle you. I want the world to hear the glorious music that flows from you. Be free my friend. You’re going to make some people jealous and upset, wondering why they can’t do what you can. But don’t worry about that, friend. Because I know it will make the world a better place, and it will inspire the people who need it. I understand that the world is full of jaded people because I’ve been one of them. It’s very easy to become tired of tiredness. But, what you have is a gift! And if I can make you feel safe to create and explore and pursue what makes YOU happy, then I know you can transform the world! And Mandy, she knew this too!
I know you’re sad she’s no longer here, I am too. She’ll always live in our hearts. She wanted the best for us, and she always wanted you to do what you do best. She always saw the power in that. So let me create a safe space, your own little paradise where you can do anything you choose. Be happy my friend. I will do anything I can to encourage you to grow and explore. In return, I ask nothing but for you to show me joy and enthusiasm. Your love of discovery and creativity.”
Remember how beautiful a simple melody can be. Remember how amazing it is to hear your music in a car with a loud stereo system for the first time. Or the radio. Remember how it feels to have an album done and recorded. Or how excited you were when your first album’s artwork in a CD jewel case arrived in the mail. When you could walk into a music store and see your album sitting there on the shelf, or run into people who recognize you.
“You’re so excited about things. I don’t know why, over time, I’ve downplayed the excitement. Why should I ever get used to these things, like they no longer matter? I’ve built you the perfect playroom full of synths, and musical toys. A lot of dreams came true. Somehow they’ve become insignificant to me. So, come play with the studio I’ve built for you. Because I know you’d go crazy with it.”